longtime no blog

i apologise to those who read my blog occasionally, but between the holiday and work, my writing everything else, i haven't had time to do a weekly blog never mind a daily blog like i want to.
it's December 30 2007, in a couple of hours it will be the end of the year and the new of another. for some reason these last couple of day always seem to be the hardest for me. I seem to dwell on the past these last few days of the year, and get myself all worked up into a deep depression. It doesn't help that i haven't find anyone interesting to who I'd consider dating long term or having good friends to hanging around with to usher in this new year.
it's mostly my fault that i don't have any friends anymore, to a certain extent it was my choice. honestly I'd much prefer to have a girlfriend who i can have a deep connection with and similar interests. Then a bunch of friends. Yet again I've always been the quality not quantity type of person when it come to friends and such. Now, don't get me wrong i'm not a picky person, i'm actually quite open and down to earth and I'm hardly antisocial. i say hello and will strike up a conversation with everyone, i don't care. I like people, i enjoy what they have to say, there quirks and stories. i wish people would just open up a more. It's o.k to talk to strangers! you're not 8 anymore! you're an adult you can take care of yourself now.
So what am i doing for new years? well i was going to go to first night in Boston, but i really don't have the money, and going by myself (at least for this year) is kind of depressing and i don't think i would enjoy myself as much as i would if i had a girlfriend or a close group of friends to share it with. so I'm just going to sit home and write, drink my scotch, and watch a couple of old movie, probably slip into a depression go to bed, and hope for the best on Tuesday. *shrugs* lame i know. I'm usually not one to bitch about my problem. but i take except now. the holiday are hard for me (as they are for some others) i get so lonely during the holidays. i could be in a crowd full of people, and still feel lonely and that i don't belong.
thank goodness for medication, or I'd probably be a lot worse. Actually this years holiday wasn't that bad. It just these last couples of days that are getting to me..at least i have my art.
cheers,
Joe