Spellbound

I can't believe it been almost a year since I've written on the blog. I get so into my work, so spellbound by it, that I sometimes get lost in other aspects of my life. It's kinda like a moth to a flame. It has took a big toll on my social life. but i feel some sacrifices are justified and in the long run i hope the outcome is positive.
This week i ran into my dreaded plateau trying to work on a overture too a opera I've started to write called "La poupée russe" (Which I'll be posting drafts of my sypnosis if anyone interested.) Which bring to me to an interesting Vlog i saw on You Tube by a local singer/Actress called Alecia Batson, at some point in the Vlog she goes on to talk about artist and there plateau. How you can get bursts of creativity then go through a fall/ plateau just the same. This is so true, i myself since the last time i wrote on this blog have been writing a fair amount, compare to what I've been doing as of late. Alecia is so right. In my opinion, artist's are different breed of person. Depending on the artist they can be empathic,eccentric, moody,sensitive and passionate as well as emotionally unstable. i know and read many accounts of artists who get in a creative/emotional funk for months/years, then all of a sudden get this burst of creativity, like a phoenix raising from the flames, then go back to being in that creativity/emotionally funk. it's a pattern i've seen and experiences in many artists including myself. Which make me understand how Fucked up i can be,and how i sometimes can't relate to society or some people.
Which bring me back to this opera i'm writing.I just can't seem to get my ideas on the page, and with the other stresses in my life suchas work, school, lovelife (or lack there of one) this doesnt make writing any easier. I'm hoping writing this well gives a clear sense of how, maybe even a little hope as too how one can tame his muse. But you know the saying the hardest part of writing is sitting and doing it.
Cheers,
Joe

taking comfort in the warmth

it's about 2 degrees in boston, about 0 or -6 with the wind chill, and i sit my cozy comfortable bed, fireplace blazing. I cannot help but to think of the people less fortunate then me, out stuck in the frigid cold. The one who do not have a home, living on the streets, no place to go. The poor children whos have to live out of there families car, or have to heat there houses with there stoves. How sadly it is that we as a society do not do more to help the people less fortunate to us. How we take for grated the things we have in life, never content and thankful or what we have, always wanting more. trying to keep ahead with the rat race. well i myself i love this weather i'm a cold miser, i enjoy sit out in this weather thinking and writing, and drinking my scotch,or vodka. so i know how cold one can get in this weather. the only difference is i can go into my warm home and hearth. and for that i'm truely thankful
cheers,
Joe

new years eve

Monday night was better then i expected it to be, i was somewhat depressed but regardless i decided tomake my family a nice new year eve dinner of Garlic shrimp,penne,with cherry tomatoes,and aspragus, in a white wine sauce. and for the main entree, i made a scallop and shrimp stuffing, wrapped in a filet of sole. it’s good luck to eat seafood before and on the new year. after we have a desert of limoncello liquer cake. which i washed down with about five glasses of scotch, (gonna love the grouse) next year i’m going out to first night boston and having fun hopefully i have the money to do it
Cheers,
Joe

longtime no blog

i apologise to those who read my blog occasionally, but between the holiday and work, my writing everything else, i haven't had time to do a weekly blog never mind a daily blog like i want to.
it's December 30 2007, in a couple of hours it will be the end of the year and the new of another. for some reason these last couple of day always seem to be the hardest for me. I seem to dwell on the past these last few days of the year, and get myself all worked up into a deep depression. It doesn't help that i haven't find anyone interesting to who I'd consider dating long term or having good friends to hanging around with to usher in this new year.
it's mostly my fault that i don't have any friends anymore, to a certain extent it was my choice. honestly I'd much prefer to have a girlfriend who i can have a deep connection with and similar interests. Then a bunch of friends. Yet again I've always been the quality not quantity type of person when it come to friends and such. Now, don't get me wrong i'm not a picky person, i'm actually quite open and down to earth and I'm hardly antisocial. i say hello and will strike up a conversation with everyone, i don't care. I like people, i enjoy what they have to say, there quirks and stories. i wish people would just open up a more. It's o.k to talk to strangers! you're not 8 anymore! you're an adult you can take care of yourself now.
So what am i doing for new years? well i was going to go to first night in Boston, but i really don't have the money, and going by myself (at least for this year) is kind of depressing and i don't think i would enjoy myself as much as i would if i had a girlfriend or a close group of friends to share it with. so I'm just going to sit home and write, drink my scotch, and watch a couple of old movie, probably slip into a depression go to bed, and hope for the best on Tuesday. *shrugs* lame i know. I'm usually not one to bitch about my problem. but i take except now. the holiday are hard for me (as they are for some others) i get so lonely during the holidays. i could be in a crowd full of people, and still feel lonely and that i don't belong.
thank goodness for medication, or I'd probably be a lot worse. Actually this years holiday wasn't that bad. It just these last couples of days that are getting to me..at least i have my art.
cheers,
Joe

Heartache,Emptiness and Longing.

Today I'm an a solemn, sad, empty, mood. Almost as if I'm mourning the lost of warmth, love that i long for in my heart. all because i watched this movie
lastnight. Poupee russe, les (the russian dolls). Good movie, it made me realise how lonely and empty my heart really is. How i long for someone to hold,to get to know,love and connect with on a deep level.
There a character in this movie called Wendy, who is played by Kelly Reilly. Wendy is Smart,beautiful,open,warm, gentle,kind, and creative, sort of magical. Brains with the beauty to match. (If i could find my Wendy, i would be quite happy.)
There is this scene where Wendy and Xavier (Romain Duris) are laying in bed spooning, after just having some very passionate and heated morning sex. There just laying together and holding each other,in this warm,loving embrace. It was beautiful and quite sad to me at the same time because it made me realise how empty and cold my heart feels. How lonely i am, and much i long for someone to hold like that.
When i woke up today i was just laid in my warm comfortable bed, thinking about that scene (the same way i went to bed), how the two character feel towards each other, how connected they were, all this made me feel such heartache, emptiness, longing. Wishing that there was some wonderful Woman laying beside me, tangled in my limbs, in my loving arms, head on my chest, a body i could press against mine,sharing the warmth of my bed with me. Not so much in a sexual sense. just in some kind a loving connection.
I know, I'm living in a fucking bloody dream world here, but i cant help it. I'm alone, frustrated, and i have yet, to meet a woman, that has similar common interests as me, and that i can connect with on a deep level. Sometime you just want someone there with a connection that you can share your inner most thoughts with, until then i guess have this blog , my art,and my muse.

The Writing of the Lied's

For the past month I've been composing a bunch of songs or "lied's" for piano and soprano. Things seems to be going well. I'm not sure what i want to do with them. All i know is with these songs I hope to paint a scene of feelings and emotions. which i might like to display either a short films "videos" or on the stage as a series of short scenes/acts
Right now I"m just trying focus on to writing something that will make people feel,relax, and tell a story. Songs that a person can light some candles, curl up on the couch with a cup of cocoa and lose themselves.

a grave disappointment

Today i had the grave disappointment of hearing the news that, in order to transfer to Emerson College as a Theatre Studies Major (nonperformance) that i would have to apply for next September,instead of transferring in January. Which i was hoping to do and was looking forward to doing. So Instead I have to work 10 more months in a shit job, that i hate , brings me no satisfaction, only misery and whoa. Being my age i feel time is sort of, of the essence. Compared to my peers, I'm far lacking from establishing some kind of stable income or career. Which to me is Very depressing sometimes. I mean I'm not really a conformist, I follow my own path. But Starting over, living with my parents and working a shit job. Can get to you sometimes. But I guess is all part of the price. I live and learn i guess. They said one doesn't know one self until there into there 30s or 40s. so i guess I'm ahead of the game somewhat. On the positive side. I know starting over isn't easy. I know what i want to do with my life. I will soon be working towards it. That can be proud of, and will be to doing with passion and pride, and creativity. it's the waiting that gets me down.