Heartache,Emptiness and Longing.

Today I'm an a solemn, sad, empty, mood. Almost as if I'm mourning the lost of warmth, love that i long for in my heart. all because i watched this movie
lastnight. Poupee russe, les (the russian dolls). Good movie, it made me realise how lonely and empty my heart really is. How i long for someone to hold,to get to know,love and connect with on a deep level.
There a character in this movie called Wendy, who is played by Kelly Reilly. Wendy is Smart,beautiful,open,warm, gentle,kind, and creative, sort of magical. Brains with the beauty to match. (If i could find my Wendy, i would be quite happy.)
There is this scene where Wendy and Xavier (Romain Duris) are laying in bed spooning, after just having some very passionate and heated morning sex. There just laying together and holding each other,in this warm,loving embrace. It was beautiful and quite sad to me at the same time because it made me realise how empty and cold my heart feels. How lonely i am, and much i long for someone to hold like that.
When i woke up today i was just laid in my warm comfortable bed, thinking about that scene (the same way i went to bed), how the two character feel towards each other, how connected they were, all this made me feel such heartache, emptiness, longing. Wishing that there was some wonderful Woman laying beside me, tangled in my limbs, in my loving arms, head on my chest, a body i could press against mine,sharing the warmth of my bed with me. Not so much in a sexual sense. just in some kind a loving connection.
I know, I'm living in a fucking bloody dream world here, but i cant help it. I'm alone, frustrated, and i have yet, to meet a woman, that has similar common interests as me, and that i can connect with on a deep level. Sometime you just want someone there with a connection that you can share your inner most thoughts with, until then i guess have this blog , my art,and my muse.

a grave disappointment

Today i had the grave disappointment of hearing the news that, in order to transfer to Emerson College as a Theatre Studies Major (nonperformance) that i would have to apply for next September,instead of transferring in January. Which i was hoping to do and was looking forward to doing. So Instead I have to work 10 more months in a shit job, that i hate , brings me no satisfaction, only misery and whoa. Being my age i feel time is sort of, of the essence. Compared to my peers, I'm far lacking from establishing some kind of stable income or career. Which to me is Very depressing sometimes. I mean I'm not really a conformist, I follow my own path. But Starting over, living with my parents and working a shit job. Can get to you sometimes. But I guess is all part of the price. I live and learn i guess. They said one doesn't know one self until there into there 30s or 40s. so i guess I'm ahead of the game somewhat. On the positive side. I know starting over isn't easy. I know what i want to do with my life. I will soon be working towards it. That can be proud of, and will be to doing with passion and pride, and creativity. it's the waiting that gets me down.